One of the best “natural” remedies for depression lies in the type of depression support you allow yourself to enjoy. But just as there are ways to be supportive, so too is there a protocol to receiving support – even when you’re depressed.

Hopefully, you will have managed to muster together a few trusted people to call on, instead of suffering through the depressive episode alone. You are not always going to be able to behave like the perfect supportee, of course – but if you keep these principles in mind on those occasions where you are still in control of your emotions or level of despair, you are going to receive a much more willing level of support.

1. Don’t phone your support contacts before 9 a.m. or after 9 p.m. – unless it really is an emergency. People who suffer from “burnout” cite one overwhelming reason above others: suddenly having to flip to “caregiver mode” when they’re either sleeping, or have “shut off” for the day.

2. Phone the appropriate person – If you want comfort and warmth, or to talk about your feeling, phone friends and family who have agreed to be there for you. If you are suicidal, don’t dump that responsibility onto someone you love. Call a Crisis Line, or just ask your loved one to take you to the nearest hospital.

3. Focus on their needs, once in a while – This one’s a toughie, if you’re clinically depressed. But do try to remember they have stresses, feelings and needs too. A little acknowledgment once in a while will help keep them staunchly at your side.

4. Do try to rotate your support “team” – It’s good to have at least 2 or 3 support people on your side. One person bearing the brunt of all your stress is far more likely to “burn out” than 3.

5. Remember they are not trained therapists – always ask permission to talk to them about your problems. Ask “Is now a good time?” And keep the really heavy baggage for your counsellor.

6. Be honest about how you feel – Telling people honestly what is going on with you and what you need is far better than playing “head games” such as expecting them to “understand” you.

7. Remember you do not have permission to use them as a verbal punching bag – tell them how you feel, but don’t treat them to an angry tirade, if you can possibly help it. Using someone else as a verbal punching bag is simply inexcusable, whether you feel you can handle that or not.

8. The world doesn’t revolve around you because you’re depressed – even though you feel it does. This is not a negative or judgmental comment, but a blunt acknowledgment that you may genuinely be in the rawest “survival mode” while depressed. If this is so, all veneer of manners and appropriate interaction may go out the proverbial window. However, there will still likely be times when you can muster yourself together long enough to remember your manners.

How To Provide Support To A Depressed Person

People who are depressed are not thinking the same way you are. However, you can provide a powerful – occasionally even life-saving – source of support.

It’s a huge responsibility, however, and one you should never let someone “dump” on you, if they’re not actually about to jump off a bridge. And even then, your first action should be to either call 911 yourself, or quickly ask someone else to while you keep the depression victim talking.

In other word, leave the life-saving to the professionals.

There are some other ways you can help yourself as much as your depressed friend or relative:

1. Set boundaries – make sure they’re ones that work for you. For example: “Don’t phone me after midnight. If you’re in real crisis, please call the Crisis Line.”

2. Help them set up a “Crisis Plan”, with numbers such as the Suicide Hot Line or local Crisis line on the fridge (as well as any other relatives or friends they are at liberty to call.) Find out the numbers for them, if they are especially unable to function. Make sure these are prominently displayed in heavy marker, or highlighted with a bright color. People suffering a severe depressive crisis may experience a genuine decrease in visual awareness.

3. Listen more than you talk – don’t make well-meaning suggestions, if you can help it, unless asked directly. You are not a therapist. You are not a judge. If you’ve never experienced severe depression, you do not know what you are talking about. Especially if you think you do.

4. Never tell them to “snap out of it” – or any other phrase of that sort. If they can’t, firing phrases like these at them is the cruelest thing you can do.

5. Do encourage anyone who comes to you in a state of depression to seek professional help immediately. Help them to get it by looking up numbers and making initial phone calls, if necessary

6. Let them know in advance that if they ever threaten suicide, you will call Emergency workers immediately. And stick to that resolve. (It’s the quickest way to weed out those unlikely few who are just looking for attention, or trying to “drag you into a drama”.)

So there you have it: 14 ways to communicate more effectively, whether you are the victim of depression, or a concerned relative anxious (or afraid) to help.

Sometimes, the best “natural remedy” is just knowing you’re not alone.